Introspective

image@MightyKaci

How much time have I spent trying to “learn” how to paint or how to “be” an artist? Searching for the right teacher who will teach me exactly what I’m looking for only to be let down, bored and disappointed with the structure of it all. Stressed and critical of my own process hoping my final product will be as expected and slightly relieved when it’s finished. The answer to that is too much, or maybe just exactly enough. I’m realizing its the process I enjoy, not the planning, not the perfection of it all, but the act of putting the paint to canvas. Of deciding its finished when meditating on it I can’t feel myself pulled to either add or remove any part. This realization comes after the last few months of creating and producing nonobjective and abstract art that I’m truly inspired by.
I know that the universe tends to give us what we need. Six months ago I walked into a local art club meeting for the first time, with no real objective other than to hopefully spark something inside me. I’d been feeling drawn to the idea of a more intuitive abstract way of creating but didn’t really know what that process entailed, just knowing it sounded like what I was after. By the end of that meeting I’d watched a live demo of a local abstract sensory artist and been given a flyer for a soulful intuitive painting workshop. I’ve since then taken workshops from both of those women, met several more amazing talented artists and done some research on nonobjective painting. I realize now that I wasn’t looking for someone to teach me how to do the art I wanted to do, I was looking for someone to give me permission to do the art I wanted to do. To open my eyes to the idea that art is whatever you want it to be however you want to do it. And for me, at this point at least, that’s organic and abstract and nonobjective and sensory and intuitive and natural and pure and raw. I feel good and deep and thoughtful while I’m making it. I am making art I can meditate on endlessly and that’s really satisfying. It’s funny how you spend all this time and energy and find yourself somewhere you never expected.